Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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