oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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