I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
