Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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