The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
