there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
