I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
