I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
