I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize