I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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