So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
