I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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