I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
