Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
