Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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