honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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