Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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