WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
