It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
