even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
