I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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