Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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