his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
