Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
