I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
