there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
