Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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