There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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