Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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