Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize