Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
