She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
