she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
