For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
