You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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