Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
