I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
