I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
