I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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