The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's official drugs can't kill me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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