all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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