I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
