Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
