life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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