Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
