Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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