one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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