made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
