So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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