now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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