dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
