Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
