making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
