There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
