I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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