I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
