I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
