it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
