So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
