so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
