Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
