I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
