she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
