I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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