my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
