if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
